Arrivederci Roma, ti ho amato

           I guess whenever I talked to people who studied abroad, I never really believed them when they told me I'd do a lot of "growing up" during this time. I feel like I have a pretty good handle on life (when I'm not freaking out over my future, of course). I feel I am as independent as I want to be and know exactly who I am. Of course, I was wrong. I would still say that I am pretty self-sufficient and self-reliant, but I realized this semester how self-involved I can be, unintentionally of course. When I say self-involved I don't mean conceited, but what I do mean is that I know what I like, what is mine, what I want, and what I am responsible for (notice the me, me, me attitude.,.that's what I'm talking about). Because I have this mindset I often miss the mark on the whole servant's heart and inclusive love thing. Nothing really put this out all on the table for me to see until this semester. I guess I should explain some things that caused me to realize this.

          I got my culture shock pretty early on in the semester (Tara and Nicole thankfully gave me some great support that I needed, thank you two!). Basically, my living situation was not ideal and had me extremely stressed out. I just wanted my family, my friends from home/school, and well I just wanted the comfort of these things. People were using my things without asking, the kitchen was constantly a mess with dishes in the sink and trash everywhere, and it was just one bad situation after another. On top of that, I couldn’t just run away to a nearby coffee shop or friends’ place (because most lived far away); I was completely out of my element. I was taking full responsibility for my things and for my share of the apartment responsibilities, but it never seemed to help anything. Then, it dawned on me. If I want something a specific way, mainly clean, I can't expect everyone to cater to me. Sure, this meant me doing other people's dishes that would otherwise sit there for days (which I'll admit takes whole lot of humility that I lack), taking out the trash and recycling when it piles up, and buying things for the apartment. But more importantly, never expecting a thank-you for all of this. I’m not telling you this so that I can finally feel some recognition for what I did but rather to explain the steps I’m taking to rid myself of this self-centered issue and pride problem. Believe me, nothing makes you feel more humble than sticking your hand down an almost overflowing sink and unclogging the drain. I still hate it every time I do it, but doing it at all makes me realize I’ve come long way from where I started. It definitely got a lot harder towards the end of the semester when one roommate and I began to feel unappreciated for how much more we contributed to the apartment than some other roommates. I’ll admit that this mentality made it a lot more difficult towards the end because I was very ready to come home, mostly because I couldn’t handle it anymore. Even though it was difficult at the end, I still believe that the experience taught me a lot about how I need to respond to people who have very different personality types than me.

          I have mostly realized that I never want to be one of those people who isn’t self-aware, who constantly blames other people and never takes responsibility for anything. I know (and have known for a while) that I have a terrible problem with admitting I’m wrong and even stepping down in an argument. This semester, I had to do these more times than I can even count and hey, I’m learning. I still don’t quite have the right balance between being a pushover and being uncompromising, but I think realizing there is a necessary balance is the first step.

As I recall all my experiences from the past semester, I can’t believe how adventurous I was and hope I will continue to have the ability to jump into new situations. Plus, now I’ve gotten the travel bug and can’t wait to explore new places ;) 

Thanks for reading my blog and definitely feel free to ask me any questions you have about my experience!